'Dear Friends' September 2010

Week of September 6, 2010 Prayer Requests    Taking Care of a Crabby or Formerly Abusive Parent Dear Friends:        We posted a new Topic and it's also the Catholic Caregivers flier for September.        This is how it begins:        It’s hard to be patient when you’re taking care of a parent who’s crabby, and it can be extremely difficult to care for a parent who physically, emotionally, or sexually abused you when you were younger.        Let’s look at the crabby parent first. It could be that Dad has always been grumpy. When you reached adulthood, you had a real sense of relief because you could move out and be on your own. But now he needs your help. He doesn’t necessarily want it and may, in fact, resent it, but he needs it. Each time you approach his front door you feel as if you’re entering the lion’s den. You hope you’ll be lucky enough to come out unscathed.        Sometimes a parent who has been pleasant for most of his or her life suddenly turns grumpy. That isn’t surprising, and, most likely, it’s temporary. Mom’s change in disposition may be triggered by the other things happening to her. It’s easy to snap at the people around you, even those you love the most, when you don’t feel well.        But if that change in personality continues to stretch on, you need to talk it over with your parent’s doctor. It could be related to a medical, a mental, or an emotional problem that can be addressed. It could be the side effect of a new medication, one that leaves your mother feeling anxious. Or it could be that a prescription Mom has been taking for a long time is causing this new and different reaction because her body chemistry is changing.        Whether your parent has been a lifelong crab or is only being nasty temporarily, it’s important for you to remember that this is a situation that presents a high risk of abuse. It’s possible for an adult child to lose control and harm a parent. Obviously, that’s never right. Neither is an aging parent hitting an adult child. Sometimes it may be necessary for you to make sure you are at least an arm’s length away from Mom or Dad. You have to keep yourself safe. If this situation arises, contact your parent’s doctor and get professional help as soon as possible.        Here are some suggestions for dealing with a difficult parent:        This is the flier and here's the Topic.        A new month also means there are new Bulletin Briefs and Prayers of Intercession at CatholicCaregivers.com. - - -        Please join us in welcoming Siaw Hong P. of Singapore and Marga A. of Wisconsin as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. (Siaw Hong is our first member from that country!) Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They've promised to pray for you and yours.        Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 13, 2010 Prayer Requests    The 'Triumph' of the Cross . . . and of Caregiving Dear Friends:        Caregiving, like the cross, triumphs. But our caregiving, unlike Jesus’ sacrifice, isn’t perfect. We make these two points during the week that the Church celebrates the “exaltation”  -- the triumph -- of the cross. That’s the feast for this Tuesday, Sept. 14.        How does our caregiving, even though it’s imperfect, triumph? It comes out on top, it “wins,” because it is a very particular -- and, at times, a very demanding -- form of love. And, as St. Paul wrote, among the theological virtues of faith, hope and love, “the greatest of these is love.”        Or, as St. John the Caregiver/Apostle/Evangelist put it: “God is love.” (And, of course, it was at the foot of the cross that John accepted the role of caregiver!)        It can help to keep in mind that even Jesus, who made that perfect sacrifice by dying for all of us (for each of us) on the cross, didn’t want to die on the cross. In the garden of Gethsemane before he was arrested, he prayed: “Abba, Father, all things are possible to you. Take this cup away from me, but not what I will but what you will” (Mark 14:26).        By your caregiving day after day, week after week, year after year, your actions are that same prayer. When you're tired, when you're angry, when you're frustrated, you wish you didn’t have to take care of your loved one. Or, rather, you wish your loved one didn’t need your care. But, like Christ accepting death on the cross, you accept the many small and not-so-small personal sacrifices that are at the core of caregiving.        You accept the vocation of caregiving. Time and again, you say “yes” to God’s invitation to help his beloved son or daughter.        Your cross, your many crosses, “triumph.” Your love “triumphs.”        It may well be that you don’t see that right now. And you certainly don’t feel it. But veteran caregivers -- those whose duties have ended because their care-receivers have died -- in one way or another report: “It was a hard time but it was a rich time. A time of so many blessing and graces. I’m so glad I did that.”        You are in our prayers, this week and always. - - -       Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" letters "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 20, 2010 Prayer Requests    A Blessing, A Vocation Dear Friends:        During his recent visit to Great Britain for the beatification of Cardinal John Henry Newman, Pope Benedict XVI spoke about the elderly and about how each of us has a particular vocation -- which, of course, at times can be caring for a loved one.        At St. Peter's Residence, "a home for older people," the pope noted:        As advances in medicine and other factors lead to increased longevity, it is important to recognize the presence of growing numbers of older people as a blessing for society. Every generation can learn from the experience and wisdom of the generation that preceded it. Indeed the provision of care for the elderly should be considered not so much an act of generosity as the repayment of a debt of gratitude.        And during the beatification Mass homily, the pope said:        Newman helps us to understand what this means for our daily lives: he tells us that our divine Master has assigned a specific task to each one of us, a “definite service”, committed uniquely to every single person: “I have my mission”, he wrote, “I am a link in a chain, a bond of connaxion between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good, I shall do his work; I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place … if I do but keep his commandments and serve him in my calling” (Meditations and Devotions, 301-2).        You can read the complete talk here and complete homily here. - - -       Please join us in welcoming our first FSJC member from South Africa! James O'B. lives in Cape Town. Please keep him and his intentions in your prayers. He has promised to pray for you and yours.        Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" letters "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 27, 2010 Prayer Requests    Happy Respect Life Sunday, Oct. 3, dear caregivers!  God bless you and your care-receivers. 'Caring for Each Other, Even Unto Death' Dear Friends:        This is the beginning of an article from the 2010-2011 Respect Life Program from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. It was written by Maria T. Hilliard, RN, JCL, PhD.        Recently the daughter of a man dying of cancer called the National Catholic Bioethics Center’s consultation line. Her father, while still able to swallow, was ingesting less and less as death approached. He had received the Anointing of the Sick and Viaticum (i.e., the Eucharist given to the dying). The daughter asked if there was a moral obligation to provide assisted nutrition and hydration as death drew near. After determining that her father’s vital organs no longer could assimilate food and water, causing the decreased appetite, the moral decision was made not to initiate assisted nutrition and hydration.        The next day the daughter called, stating that her father had died, and expressing gratitude for the advice. It was obvious that the underlying pathology, not euthanasia through starvation and dehydration, had caused his death.        Families also get advice from other sources. Tragically, some have been wrongly advised by the medical community that preserving their loved one’s “dignity” and ending their suffering require ending their life—by active intervention, or more frequently, by omitting basic care. Many families are unsure about moral options for the care of their loved ones. Fortunately, the popes and bishops of the Catholic Church have provided invaluable guidance concerning end-of-life decisions, including issues of pain control and consciousness, the provision of food and water to dying or unconscious patients, the right to refuse certain treatments, and the duty to care, even when a cure is no longer possible. In a pamphlet, one can only highlight these teachings, so readers are encouraged to read the entire statements and directives mentioned below, which are available online.        You can find the whole article here. These are links to the statements and directives to which the author refers in the article's footnotes:        1. The National Catholic Bioethics Center provides a 24 hour ethics consultation service, free of charge: 215-877-2660.        2. United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care Services, 5th Ed. (2009) n. 61.        3. John Paul II, Encyclical The Gospel of Life (Evangelium Vitae), March 25, 1995, n. 65.        4. Pope John Paul II, Allocution “On Life-Sustaining Treatment and the Vegetative State”, March 20, 2004, n. 4.        5. Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Responses to Certain Questions of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops Concerning Artificial Nutrition and Hydration, 2008. - - -        Please join us in welcoming Katie M. of Quebec as our newest FSJC member. Please keep her and her intentions in your prayers. She has promised to pray for you and yours.        Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" letters "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter